It’s me, Killer.
I know I come off mean some days. But you would too if you were living with these two idiots. They’re so stupid together, Scout constantly sucking up to that Zoey, Zoey catering to Scout’s every want. I think she’s acting. There is no way a cat can be that stupid. I knew sarcasm at just a few weeks old. At 2 months, I won the award for lizard hunting. Maybe she’s that smart, and she’s tricking us all into believing it. …Ya, probably not.
The real reason I’ve been so grumpy these days, is that my roommate, Zoey moved me 80,000 steps away from my favorite person. She didn’t even tell me he wasn’t coming with. Now that we’re here, she doesn’t even let me call him. Sometimes she tricks me and shows me a tiny version of him…. but it doesn’t move or talk, or give me head rubs. To tell the truth, that’s why I miss him so much. It’s cramped living in this tiny hell hole with no grass. So my neck is very stiff and I could use a little massage.
Then the greatest thing happened this weekend. Out of nowhere, he showed up! I thought I heard her whispering about it last week, but maybe I was just being paranoid. Then I found this message. That b@#$* had been planning this all along, she knows I hate surprises.
I guess she was doing it for the right reasons though, and it doesn’t matter, I got to spend a whole day with him, getting the best neck massage. I don’t know what makes it so different than Zoey’s, all I know is that I’m practically bald by the time he is done. At night, Scout collects all my hair into a pile and likes to jump into it. See, such an idiot. He also brought his friend with him, who I adore. Mostly because she hates Scout as much as I do. We bond over the moments where we can plan how to push her off balconies and down stairs while she’s sleeping. Oh, just the thought of it makes me smile.
…and then he was gone. This wonderful weekend will fade into a memory, and my neck will go back to being its’ sore self. The only thing that remains is that pile of hair underneath the couch Idiot2 keeps missing while vacuuming. She’ll figure it out when I pile it on her face while she’s sleeping. That’ll show her not to plan any more surprises.