My No-Pants-Plan

I did it! It only took 48 hours, but I watched an entire season of The Office in a row, without leaving my bed (hence, no blogs). I know, making my parents proud. Most of that time I was also pantless. Why pantless you ask? First of all, why not?! Second, it’s hot as blazes in this apartment. Third, and most importantly, in the event of a fire or emergency I only have enough time to put on one article of clothing.

I can’t count the amount of times the fire alarm went off in the dorms in Cincinnati, and I would spend from 2:30am-3:30am outside with the rest of my classmates, wearing a trenchcoat, tiny pajama shorts and Uggs (in the middle of winter). Not a good look, also very cold.

My plan for getting the cats out if there’s a fire is emptying my laundry basket on the floor, throwing them both in there, putting the lid on. Done. Not enough time to convince them to get into their cages, much less put their cages together.

Always be prepared.

I’ve been treating Memorial Day Weekend like Memorial Day Week. But I finally got off my tooshie yesterday to work on wedding stuff with brother. I can’t reveal too much, but it involved searching for hours and hours in the jewelry district for a specific “finding” to be a present for the groomsman. The jewelry district is ridiculous. What looks like a regular store front from the outside, is actually endless counters of individual companies, all who want to sell you something. From the moment you walk in, as you walk by each seller, they try to grab you by saying “what are you looking for, oh I have that”. They never had what we needed, but since they sucked us in, they may as well try to sell us a $500 diamond necklace while we’re there.

We even got suckered in by (by we I mean Peter) by a guy on the street who walked us to the end of the block, took us into a building, to the top floor, into a locked entryway, then into a store filled with watches covering the walls from floor to ceiling, all sparkling with diamonds. Even on the way there are the other store vendors were saying “leave them alone” as we walked by with him, but I guess that wasn’t a big enough clue to us.

After 3 hours, we finally got the hang of it. Don’t make eye contact. Most of the findings sellers were in the very back of the stores, so don’t stop for anyone until you reach the back and read the signs yourself. Also, confidence. All of the findings places were wholesale only, but if you didnt ask too many questions, and knew what you were looking for, it would work. I did get sucked into one women when I asked if she had a single drop CZ necklace. She said she did – she didn’t. But she said she could make one out of a stud earring, add a loop on it, then sell me a chain with it, all for $45. She called be beautiful and nice about 20 times, asked all about my personal life, the wedding, finally I told her Peter was calling me to the back of the store and I’d be right back.

I ended up buying exactly what I wanted back there, and without the women having to attempt to make it, I did have to negotiate a little to get the price down. He even made me feel bad by saying “what? you want the shirt off my back?” so I said yes “I’ll do it for $45, no tax, and your shirt please”.

I knew on the way out I would have to pass by that woman, who greeted me with, “Where did you go, I’ve been waiting for you <insert sad face here>”. I stopped and thanked her for all her help, then she tried to make me feel bad by saying “I was going to give it to you for $25.”

Well shit. She was probably lying. She looked a lot like the witch with the apple in Snow White, so who knows. Never take an apple, even covered with diamonds, from a witch.

We did meet the sweetest old man though who made the whole trip worth it. He told us his life story, how he made jewelry for Andy Warhol, all about his grandkids, how pretty we were, how Peter was going to come back when he was a famous producer, and then ended up giving Peter free jewelry. I wanted to leap across the counter and hug him, but I restrained myself.

I can’t show you the final results, but I’ll do a whole post about it after the wedding.

Have a great weekend!



One thought on “My No-Pants-Plan

  1. Pingback: Geeky Cufflinks « New York Whimsy

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